Reality has hit me. Try as I may, I will never be the perfect mom. Now you might be thinking, "how could she ever expect to be perfect? No one is perfect." And I'll say in reply, yes, I know that. But it doesn't stop any one of us from striving for that exact thing, does it? For that matter, it doesn't stop us from competing with one another either.
As most of us are well aware, every mother (or most) wants to live up the illusion of "perfect mom". For me, the not so simple task of it all leaves me feeling less than great about myself. I spend a great deal of time feeling guilty & the rest of the time on edge. Two things that wear on the whole house after too long. I'm also aware that I will never be the perfect wife, daughter, sister or friend. That is, unless I change my way of thinking....
It's a good thing that I ran across the "Playdate My Family" article in the August 2011 "Parenting Early Years" magazine. Why? Well, it has a small profile on Jessica Denay. "Parenting" describes her as, mother of an 11-year old boy & author of "The Hot Mom's Handbook". And this little profile was just enough to entice me. I started looking into her book & browsed the "The Hot Mom's Club" website. I liked what I saw & much to my surprise, my public library had a copy of the book!! I've just gotten started on it. I plan to give you a full review when I'm finished!!
But one thing I've already learned......If I'm always allowing myself to "self hate", I'm never going to be great at anything. Half-hearted, maybe, but never great. And once this reality sank in, I decided to start a little chain of change. As many of us mothers know, our sense of self is thrown out the door once we become moms.......
I've decided today is the day to give back.........to myself. I have spent far too long trying to be the perfect everything. I am taking a stand. I now understand that I cannot be any of those things if I can't be me. So what makes me, me? Oh my, that may be hard. I haven't spent any quality time thinking about this in years. Instead I've spent my time solely worrying about what is good for everyone else.
Now, at first glance, I know some of you'll think I've gone a little too far. You'll think I've decided to throw out my "responsibilities" as wife, mother, daughter, etc. You may even call me selfish. But that's far from what I'm doing. As I'd like to point out, "The Hot Mom's Handbook" has given me permission to let go of the guilt. And frankly, that's good enough for me!!
As I've said, I'm only trying to find the little things in life that make me, well, me. So, what sets my soul free? What do I miss most pre-kids?
Sometimes it's little things like bathing daily (What?? That can be a rarity as a stay-at-home mom!!) or sexy panties....(Go ahead, laugh. I bet I'm not the only one who misses them) As the book has reminded me, no one ever said you had to give up feeling sexy or caring what you look like to be a good mom, did they?
It's also the big things like a few moments to myself. Heck, even using the bathroom w/o an audience would be a awesome! Or just loading up & going somewhere at the drop of a hat. Yeah, I miss that. Of course that one will be harder to manage. But maybe it's time to look into a good sitter?
So, raise your glass & join me in a new little series, I'd like to call, A Journey Back to Me.....
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