My weight loss guardian angel

Sorry in advance if this is a hard read. It was a flurry of thoughts. Its hard to write with so much going on in the mind. I feel that those of you that are stugglers, like myself, will get it.

I've been down this road many times. When will I get it together? The day I'm on the operating room table about to have triple bypass surgery? I NEED to get "it" before then. If I don't my girls are going to be on this same road & let me tell you it's bleak.

I'm told, as a child my Mom had a hard time finding things to dress me in. Everything was too big. Once I hit puberty (you know the lovely monthly visitor) I packed on the pounds. I was 11 that summer. Not only did the weight come on, but I got hips. WIDE hips. I've been struggling with my weight since. I'm a month away from 32.

I topped the scale at 150 as a Junior in high school. Lost some weight. I outdid myself shortly after high school. I was 180. Again with the weight loss. That time I used pills. Metabolife. Anyone remember the original Metabolife? You couldn't buy it at any store. You had to have a sales consultant (drug dealer) to get them. What a magic pill!!! Years later they banned the active ingredient (ephedra) in the "real" deal. Sure, sure they still sell it. Ephedra free that is. I developed a Thyroid issue shortly after my use. Do I know 100% for sure Metabolife was the cause. NO, but I'm pretty sure it didn't help it either. I learned a lesson with my year worth of "drug" use. It's not worth it. I lost my first child due to my unknown thyroid issue & I'll be on meds for the remainder of my life.

Metabolife did help me drop weight quick AND gain it back just as fast. I'm fat yet again. I'm 180. I try a healthy approach this time. I start watching my fat intake. I lose slowly. I never weighed myself during that time. I just let what was going to be, be.

About 7 years ago a few co-workers of mine at the time started Weight Watchers. I seen the results they were having. I made the quick realization, if they can do it so can I. My first day free of work I headed to my local Weight Watchers meeting. I was so nervous. I had no idea what to expect but I was determined this time. I weighed in at 157.2. Well, that was better than I expected. I hadn't weighed myself in some time. OK, I really can do this. So it was set in motion. First week, down 3.6. YAHOO!! Next week 2, then 2.2; .6; 3.6!! This is so easy, I get "it"! I've got this! It continued on like this for 24 weeks. I lost an average of a pound/week. Only having 2 weeks where I gained. I had reached my lifetime goal. Surpassed it even. I was for the first time, in my adult life, thin. I weighed 129.6. I felt wonderful. It wasn't so much the awesome sense of well being that came with it but the accomplishment I felt. I finally did it. I became a Lifetime member of Weight Watchers. How awesome is that?

A year later I was pregnant with my first child. I lost the baby. Depression. Gain. We got pregnant again. I was back up to 157 when I got pregnant this time. I topped at 194. I stuck with eating good & the weight easily came back off. I was back into my prepregnancy clothes in a few weeks postpartum. Wonderful. I quit work when RD was 10 mos. Weight gain. I got pregnant again. This time starting at 176. I topped at 214. I returned to Weight Watchers at 2 mos PP. I got back down to my prepregnancy weight. It was a struggle that time. What's this? I'm pregnant again?!?!?! Start over. I topped at 204. I am still hovering at 185-190 today. 5 months later. I haven't returned to Weight Watchers since. When you have a family of 5 & only one working parent certain things have to be cut. I gave the program my all last week from home. I quit nursing the baby the week before. Sort of cold turkey so to speak. I assumed I was going to have a fabulous first week. I gained. 1.4. WHAT? I'm going to assume it's from the breast milk that's filling up. I've given up for a few days. Depressed. Why isn't this coming off like the first time?

I'm sitting at our RCIA meeting last night. Someone walks in. Someone new. Someone that's never attended our meetings. An Angel. My Weight Watcher leader. Just the person that I needed. She probably doesn't know how much affect she has on her students. Without her encouragement it's hard. We hugged & she asked how I was. I was honest. She offered her encouragement. I'm sure she doesn't know what a light she was yet again but I am so thankful to have seen her. Where of all places? Church. Apparently she grew up in our church & is active in her faith. She devotes her time to helping others. Thank you God for subtle ways.